April 15, 2014 § Leave a comment

As many of you know, I’ve run the Boston Marathon before. You can read about it here.

When I decided I was in this year it was right before we found out about Wright, and one of the first questions we asked the Dr – can I still run the marathon???

Haley and I had recently finished a 10 mile race, I had not put together why the 10 mile run I had run a week before with TNT here in NYC was so rough – perhaps because I was almost two months pregnant and could barely breathe? Things you see in hindsight.

I continued to train under the Drs instructions, keeping my heart rate at a very specific target, trying to manage hunger, and with a major family emergency occurring right in the middle of it all.

I flew back into New York just in time for our 12/13 week check up where the do the testing for any major signs of chromosomal abnormalities. As most of you know, the appointment was stopped short – and within a few days we were given the diagnosis of Trisomy 13, which in our baby’s case, is fatal.

While I am still pregnant, we don’t actually know for sure if Wright is living. I will say that the last three weeks of my life have hardly been devoted to hitting the running trail. I could offer the fact that I have had both the flu and the stomach flu, but the truth is, my heart has been too heavy to run.

I still believe in why I signed up to run Boston. This is a big year. Those I began running in memory and honor of mean more to me than they ever have, but I am not sure if I will make it to the start or not. We will take it one step at a time this weekend. There are moments in life where it is important to finish, and there are moments in life where it is important to know when to quit. We love to talk about finishing, victories, and the great accomplishment. It is much more difficult to talk about the work done in the journey that is more important than the shiny medal at the end.

For so many of my friends that were stopped short last year, THIS IS NOT THE YEAR TO QUIT, this is the year to finish.

For so many running because they were on the sidelines and are survivors of the events of last year, THIS IS NOT THE YEAR TO QUIT.

For me, this is not my year to finish.

It has become clear that is is not physically in my best interest, and I have a lot of fear about what might happen on the course because of Wright’s condition. The marathon is now days before a critical appointment for us regarding the baby.

The marathon will be among one of the most emotional in history, and we are simply not in a place to extend ourselves further emotionally. It is not my year to finish.

So what’s our plan? Our plan is to raise as much money possible in honor of the fighters, the survivors, and the taken that I’ve talked about again and again in the previous posts. The two young families, the little girls battling cancer, my friend’s father who’s overcome – but now in honor of his brother who is battling, in memory of my dear friend’s aunt, the incredible names that you all have sent me that I will place on ribbons and wear on race day – whether I run to Wellesley or simply cheer from the community center. The point is that the battle against cancer goes on with or without my feet on the ground.

This year, our battle is simply different, it has been an unexpected battle for our little family, and one we wouldn’t trade for the world.

As we prepare to say goodbye to our unborn daughter, we feel a greater empathy and compassion for those who battle daily on behalf of those they love with this disease.

On the anniversary of last year’s race would you consider joining us in fighting cancer one step, one dollar at time, and contributing to my fundraising effort for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society with Team in Training Boston?


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