March 26, 2014 § 3 Comments

As is sometimes the case, I feel the need to clarify a few things I said yesterday in response to some of the messages we’ve gotten.

Firstly, we chose not to go public about the pregnancy until after the 2nd trimester appointment. It was at the 2nd trimester appointment that the sad news began. It was because of this that many people were unable to ‘celebrate’ Wright in the normal manner – at the same time we told people about her, we explained she was likely sick. People have been wonderful, my expression of ‘nobody’ celebrating Wright was more a statement of ‘in the traditional way’ that you dream of for your child – NOT that we have not been overwhelmingly supported or cared for. Wright is exceedingly loved, maybe more than many unborn babies.

Secondly, there is not much people can do for us. My statement of feeling as if this is a lonely process is simply one of emotion. It’s no more lonely than the ones of my friends who have tried for years to conceive children and been unable to. It has nothing to do with the amount of people around us or the volume of their voices, it has to do with the process of grieving Wright’s future. I’m sorry to those of you who felt personally attacked.

Thirdly, I’m writing in large part because I’ve not experienced many women going through this. Just as I want to give voice to my dear friends who’ve had 4+ miscarriages (as if one is not enough), our dear friend who lost her son to SIDS, our friends raising children with special needs, I seek to express my personal experience in hope that anyone else going through a dark spot might find some comfort. It’s also a way for me to express our process without having to repeat what’s going on with us multiple times. I benefit from the freedom to write my process, and pray that others will also.

Lastly, I know that writing publicly is my decision. I know that posting here invites the love, wisdom, opinion, and criticism of all who read. Pros and cons. For me, writing is an outlet. I have a journal where I keep my deepest thoughts and darkest moments. Things are filtered for the blog for the very reason that it is public. While I normally welcome readers’ feedback, I will say in this moment – as I’ve said before – if you are a personal relationship of mine please don’t read this and assume I’m writing to/or about you in some twisted passive aggressive manner. As I’ve said before, if I feel a need to say something to someone I know, I will. I will not use my blog as a public platform for flogging the ones I love. If you question this refer to the post about my mom, whom I felt I wrote about gently and with love. So two things – if you didn’t catch them – if you don’t have something nice to say regarding the situation with Wright or the way we’re handling it, unsubscribe – as you might imagine our hearts are fragile and where critique would normally be welcome – it’s not in this situation. Also, please don’t read into anything. I’m just writing, letting my heart out in a moment – I can assure you it’s not directed at you.

We went public about Wright because we were desperate for the thoughts and prayers of our community near and far. We continue to share because the outpouring has been water to our souls. It’s hard to feel like a post like this is necessary and I won’t likely do it again, I’m content to be misunderstood – I simply don’t want anyone to think that we’re anything less than grateful, or that we welcome critique of our process in this time.

Thank you for your continued love and support. The warmth it gives us is inexpressible.

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§ 3 Responses to Clarity

  • Michelle says:

    Continuing to carry y’all in my heart. Prayers for peace.


  • Jillian says:

    You are so talented and also wise… and those are simply words to describe what I find here today. You are even more than that. I consider myself lucky to be your friend and blessed to know someone so capable of expressing and emoting this experience with such grace. I think all of your friends, family, and readers will be more aware and sensitive human beings having learned from you.

    Recently, I’ve felt like I lack the appropriate words, but I also believe there are none. If I employed actions instead of words, I’d choose love, solidarity, and prayer. Happy to share those things with you.


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